What may happen.

I had this draft saved for 2 weeks but decided to discard it cause it was shite, just like most of my posts, but it was even shittier than usual.

Today’s Thursday the 26th of October 2017.
The sky is gray and the streets are blurred by the drizzle that hasn’t stopped since the morning.
I’ve been home alone for 5 days and it’s starting to weight upon me. I love some alone time but I’ve had too much on my plate to be facing this alone.

And by too much I mean the assassination of the last slither of femininity that remained in me: My hair.

I know too well how out of proportions I have been blowing this. But I’m a fat woman with anxiety and ripples of depression that only has her car to her name. I do not control my life, nor my brains, nor my body. The ultimate thing that I could control was my hair. And it has been ripped away from me by some inconsiderate hair stylist.

I’ve made so much progress in the past years where I stopped finding myself disgusting and really started to feel my worthiness, my strengths and my lovability.
So much work thrown down the drain because every time I see my reflection in the mirror I just want to cry. Oh I’ve been crying alright, the last 2 days were a tears festival. The the acceptance part had started but it just vanished during the night, and I’m back at square one: crying like a baby.

I just can not bear to see my ugly face without my hair, plus the actual haircut and dye job are absolutely horrendous.
I want to hibernate for fucking ever but I sadly can’t.

I was supposed to get much school work done but this foolishness has stalled my motivation, making me guilty about my inability to concentrate , making me even more upset about this whole thing and angry at myself.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and get it over with. But I simply can’t.

U G H