I am seriously getting tired of my own shit. It’s been weeks of constant ups and downs and I can’t stand it anymore. It’s as if my mind had this switch, when all’s well I am perfectly fine but when the most innocuous thing bothers me, I am just crumbling under the unavoidable weight of my sorrow.
I am drowning in all these emotions I haven’t had in such a long time that I forgot they even existed. My skin is getting thinner and thinner, poke me with a stick and I’ll just cry you a fucking ocean because I’ve been holding my tears for so many years.
I guess the thicker you try to grow your skin, the shorter your temper becomes. You can’t protect yourself from everything for ever, at the end there will still be a crack in the wall through which the water will manage to slip.
Second night in a row of being a sobbing mess without any idea about what’s happening in my fucking head. I am living among people with my mask on but I’m just this hollow shell on the verge of breaking. I am an empty vase with thousands of cracks that is still trying to hold up with the little willpower it has left. I am empty and useless and unlovable. I can feel my heart pounding in my ears and the tears streaming down my cheeks and I can’t fucking stop. The more I try to stop the harder I cry because the guilt is just too overwhelming.